“Remember, being happy doesn’t mean you have it all. It simply means you’re thankful for all you have.” These words hold the essence of a truth that Antonia Banewicz discovered through her own arduous journey out of the depths of depression.
Banewicz vividly recalls a moment on the New York City subway, tears streaming down her face, clutching a handful of antidepressants prescribed by her psychiatrist. In the throes of a deep, dark depression, she felt hopeless and exposed, convinced that this despair was her permanent fate. But over time, after multiple battles with this mental beast, she reached a breaking point. One day, amidst another bout of depression, a glimmer of gratitude emerged from nowhere, and with it, a realization that she could change the way she thought and felt.
Determined to find a way to consistently bring happiness into her life, Banewicz delved into the science of happiness. She learned that happiness is not a fixed state but rather an inside job and a continuous process. Research by Sonia Lyubormirsky and colleagues reveals that 50% of our happiness is genetic, a hardwired “happiness set point” we’re born with. This explains why some people seem naturally cheerful while others struggle. Unfortunately, this set point remains unalterable. Another 10% of our happiness stems from life circumstances, such as gender, age, occupation, and significant life events. However, even things like wealth only bring temporary happiness, as the phenomenon of “hedonic adaptation” soon kicks in, pulling our happiness levels back to their baseline.
The good news is that 40% of our happiness is within our control, influenced by intentional activities. This is where the power lies to change and manage our state of mind. There are numerous “happiness hygiene habits” we can incorporate into our daily lives, much like brushing our teeth, to keep our happiness levels high.
One of the most effective starting points is a daily gratitude practice. Writing down three things we’re grateful for each day, along with the reasons why, has been proven to increase positivity, as demonstrated in studies at companies like Google. It might seem cheesy at first, but the science doesn’t lie.
Banewicz also shares nine specific feel – good tools that have transformed her life. First, setting realistic, personally significant goals gives her a sense of purpose. These goals are driven by internal desires rather than external expectations, fueling her passion and keeping her young at heart.
Savoring positive moments, whether it’s the beauty of a sunrise or the awe – inspiring sight of a glowing moon, allows her to hold onto and relish those feelings of joy. Connecting with people, even when she doesn’t feel like it, has been a source of contentment, while sharing her life with close friends lightens her burdens and strengthens their bonds.
Practicing random acts of kindness shifts her focus from herself to others, fostering compassion and a sense of service. Increasing her spiritual connection through meditation, prayer, and contemplation provides hope and strength. Catching negative self – talk, those distorted thoughts like catastrophizing or all – or – nothing thinking, and replacing them with positive statements has been a game – changer in maintaining a positive mindset.
Paying attention to the little things, like dancing to her favorite music, lifts her mood, and living in the moment, free from the baggage of the past or the worries of the future, brings her a profound sense of peace.
These actions, along with many others, make up our 40% choice point. By consistently practicing these happiness hygiene habits, science has shown that even low – level pessimists can transform into low – level optimists. Banewicz’s story is a testament to the fact that if she could emerge from the depths of depression and embrace happiness, anyone can. The science of happiness offers us the tools; it’s up to us to pick them up and start our own journey towards a brighter, more joyful life.
