“Lean into the discomfort of the work.” Brené Brown’s words hold a wisdom that Sandy Woznicki discovered through a deeply personal and transformative journey. For decades, anxiety was the unwelcome companion that dictated the rhythm of her life, an invisible force that cast a shadow over every experience, despite an outwardly successful and seemingly idyllic existence.
From the outside, Woznicki’s life was the picture of accomplishment. College – educated, with a good job, a loving relationship, a cozy home, a reliable car, and the means to afford healthy food and a gym membership, she should have been the epitome of contentment. Yet, beneath the surface, she was trapped in a cycle of misery. Constantly plagued by the fear of being judged, she felt as if a wall had been erected between her and true happiness. Even in the midst of joyous occasions—a surprise birthday party, the excitement of Christmas gifts, a leisurely Sunday morning, or a hilarious movie—happiness remained elusive, a concept she could only understand intellectually, never truly feel in the depths of her being.
The root of her struggle lay in her resistance to anxiety. She refused to accept sadness and fear as natural parts of the human emotional spectrum. Every time the familiar pangs of anxiety struck, causing tension in her mind and body, she would shut down, desperately trying to block out the negative emotions. But in doing so, she unknowingly blocked off the entire range of her emotions. It was a long and arduous journey before she realized that emotions are interconnected; we cannot selectively turn off one without affecting the others.
Woznicki’s breakthrough came when she began to lean into the discomfort. Instead of fighting against the anxiety, she gave it permission to exist, much like the way one would handle a Chinese finger trap—pushing inwards to loosen the grip rather than futilely pulling away. She practiced this acceptance physically, mentally, and emotionally. By sitting still, breathing slowly, and relaxing the tension in her body, she allowed the discomfort to flow through her. She would acknowledge the emotion, saying to herself, “Okay, this sadness is uncomfortable. I feel it in my stomach and my chest. I give you permission to be here while you work through me.”
This new approach was revolutionary. As she watched the emotion without judgment, the intensity lessened. She found that by being compassionate towards her feelings and herself, she could gain a sense of control—a strange irony, as it was through letting go that she truly took control.
Woznicki also came to understand how emotions can become trapped in our bodies. When the stress response is triggered, cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, preparing us to fight or flee. In the animal kingdom, once the danger passes, mammals naturally release the excess adrenaline by shaking or expressing other physical reactions. However, humans often suppress this natural process. We hold back emotions at work to appear strong, refrain from laughter during times of loss out of a sense of propriety, and stuff down feelings of sadness or fear. This suppression disconnects us from our full emotional experience, blocking both the negative and the positive emotions.
Today, Woznicki is no longer enslaved by anxiety. While she still experiences normal feelings of anxiety in certain situations, she accepts them and allows them to pass through her. And in this newfound emotional freedom, she has discovered a side of herself she never knew existed. She cries more often, but these are tears of happiness, pride, appreciation, and gratitude. Whether it’s a heartwarming news story or a remarkable performance on a talent show, she now fully experiences and expresses the depth of her emotions, something that was once beyond her reach.
For those who find themselves numb to happiness, Woznicki offers a message of hope. By being willing to embrace the full range of emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, and by practicing resilience – building techniques such as relaxing in cold water, resisting unnecessary urges, and focusing on one task at a time, it is possible to break free from the cycle of emotional suppression.
On this journey, it’s important to be kind to oneself. As we learn to lean into the discomfort, we may discover unexpected joys, just as Woznicki did. It’s a path that is not always easy, but the rewards—true emotional connection, happiness, and a sense of freedom—make it an endeavor that is truly worth taking.
