“Putting yourself first is not selfish. Quite the opposite. You must put your happiness and health first before you can be of use to anyone else.” ~Simon Sinek
In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, there exists a common thread among those with big hearts – the overwhelming urge to care for others. We yearn to be the support system for our loved ones, willing to go to great lengths to bring a smile to their faces. However, this noble impulse often leads us down a treacherous path, one where our own needs are sidelined, and our happiness is sacrificed.
Picture this: You find yourself pouring your heart and soul into a project, not because it brings you joy, but because you’re afraid of disappointing the people involved. You stay up late, push your own limits, and ignore your own exhaustion, all in the name of keeping others happy. This was my reality with a weekly podcast I’d been producing with a friend. At first, it was a source of pure excitement and purpose. But as time went on, it transformed into a draining chore. Every week, I’d dread the recording sessions, yet I couldn’t bring myself to quit. The thought of how my friend might react kept me trapped, my own unhappiness simmering beneath the surface.
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? We base our life choices on the happiness of others, convincing ourselves that their contentment is more important than our own. We sacrifice our dreams, our time, and our very sense of self. We tell ourselves that our parents will only be proud if we become doctors, so we trudge through medical school, even if our heart lies elsewhere. We put our partner’s career aspirations above our own, stifling our own ambitions. We become so consumed by our children’s needs that we forget who we are outside of being a parent. And for our friends, we drop everything at a moment’s notice, putting our own lives on hold.
The truth is, when others attach expectations to us in this way, they’re often viewing us as a means to an end. It’s not that they’re bad people; it’s simply a byproduct of our innate survival instincts. We all have an internal software that’s hard – wired to avoid pain and fear. In the context of relationships, this manifests as our reluctance to say no, to set boundaries, and to prioritize ourselves. We’re terrified of the consequences – of losing love, of being abandoned, of causing hurt. But these fears are precisely what keep us trapped in a cycle of unhappiness.
The fear of disappointing our parents, of our partner leaving, of our kids suffering, of losing our friends – these are all normal emotions. They’re a part of the human experience. But if we view our choices through the lens of pain and fear, we can begin to understand that others may be projecting their own insecurities onto us. This realization is the first step towards breaking free.
It takes courage to stand up for ourselves. We need to be as fierce in advocating for our own well – being as we would be for a loved one or a cause we believe in. Because, in many ways, our very survival depends on it. Contrary to popular belief, putting ourselves first is not selfish. In fact, it’s essential. When we neglect our own happiness, we become a shadow of ourselves, unable to truly show up for others in a meaningful way.
As I anticipate the arrival of my child, my perspective on happiness has undergone a profound shift. I realize that if I continue to engage in projects that drain me, I’m not only robbing myself of joy but also sacrificing the kind of father I want to be. I don’t want to be a parent who’s physically present but mentally absent, consumed by the stress of pleasing others.
Choosing to prioritize ourselves may seem daunting, but the alternative is far worse. It’s a slow erosion of our identity, a life filled with regret, and a sense of aimlessness. Life is a one – time journey; there are no do – overs, no second chances. We owe it to ourselves to live a life that is true to who we are, not one dictated by the expectations of others.
In the end, I made the difficult decision to step away from the podcast. It was a liberating moment, a realization that the people who truly matter in my life – my future child, my real friends and family – want to see me happy. They’re the ones who will cheer me on as I strive to become the best version of myself. So, let’s all make a commitment to prioritize our own happiness. It’s not selfish; it’s the key to living a fulfilling, authentic life.
