“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” The Dalai Lama’s words ring true as we embark on the age-old quest to understand and attain happiness. It’s a pursuit that has puzzled humanity for centuries, with everyone seemingly yearning for that elusive state of contentment. But what exactly is happiness, and how can we not only find it but also hold onto it in the face of life’s ever-changing circumstances?
Researchers have unearthed a fascinating framework for understanding happiness, dividing it into three distinct elements. The first, accounting for about 50% of our happiness, is our genetic predisposition. Studies on identical twins, both those raised together and those separated at birth, have revealed an astonishing similarity in their happiness levels, despite wildly different upbringings and environments. Sonya Lyubomirsky, in her insightful book The How of Happiness, aptly named this our “happiness set point”—a sort of emotional baseline that we’re born with, much like our eye or hair color (though we can’t change it with contacts or dye!).
The second element, making up around 10% of our happiness, is life circumstance. These are the aspects of our lives that are largely out of our control: gender, age, where we grew up, ethnicity, relationship status, occupation, neighborhood, and health. Intriguingly, studies have shown that these factors have a surprisingly limited impact on our overall happiness. Whether you’re a garbage man or a millionaire developer, it turns out that your happiness level isn’t significantly swayed. In fact, many African societies living in extreme poverty are among the happiest, their joy fueled by a strong sense of community that transcends material wealth.
The third and most empowering element, contributing 40% to our happiness, is what we do and how we think. This is the realm where we have true agency, where our intentional actions and thought patterns can significantly shape our emotional well-being. However, we often encounter a formidable obstacle here: hedonic adaptation. Humans, by nature, are quick to adapt. When something wonderful enters our lives, whether it’s a new home with ocean views or a fancy promotion at work, the initial thrill gradually fades. We become accustomed to the novelty, and what once brought us great joy loses its luster.
So, how can we combat hedonic adaptation and boost our happiness levels? The key lies in making proactive choices for joy every single day. For instance, if you’re lucky enough to have a breathtaking view from your home, taking a moment each morning to consciously appreciate it—reminding yourself of how fortunate you are—can create a positive feedback loop in your mind, helping to maintain or even enhance your happiness.
Here are four strategies that have proven effective in my own journey towards greater happiness:
1. Anchor Yourself in the Present
Eckhart Tolle wisely observed that much of our unhappiness stems from our preoccupation with the past or future. How often do we find ourselves ruminating on missed opportunities or worrying about what lies ahead? When I took the leap to start my own business, I was consumed by a flood of anxious thoughts about the unknown. But with the help of a life coach, I realized that I was squandering my energy on things beyond my current control. The only moment that truly matters is the present. By focusing on the small steps I was taking towards my goals, I learned to let go of my worries and find contentment in the here and now.
2. Embrace the Power of Meditation
Meditation is a timeless practice with a multitude of benefits. It serves as an anchor, helping us stay rooted in the present moment and quieting the chaos of our minds. Even just a few minutes of meditation each day can reduce stress, sharpen our concentration, and increase self-awareness. If you’re new to meditation or struggle with focus, guided meditations can be a great starting point. Remember, there’s no one “right” way to meditate—find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine.
3. Craft Your Coping Strategies
In today’s complex world, stress seems to lurk around every corner. Politically, economically, and emotionally, we’re constantly bombarded with challenges. The key is to focus on what we can control and release our grip on the things we can’t. When faced with a stressful situation, like the construction noise outside my window, instead of succumbing to frustration, I turned to writing as an outlet. Whether it’s gardening, working out, reading, or socializing, find an activity that helps you unwind and cope with the pressures of daily life. And if you’re unhappy with a particular aspect of your life, like your job, don’t just complain—take action by creating an exit plan or exploring new opportunities.
4. Cultivate Meaningful Connections
As Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and connection, puts it, connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued. In a world dominated by digital interactions, true connection has become more precious than ever. It’s not about trading shallow comments on social media; it’s about opening up, listening deeply, and building relationships based on mutual understanding and acceptance. Whether it’s strengthening bonds with existing friends or joining a new social group centered around a shared interest, investing in real-time connections is a surefire way to enhance your happiness.
These strategies may seem simple, even generic, but they offer a solid foundation for anyone looking to boost their happiness and overcome the effects of hedonic adaptation. The first step is to take action: grab a pen and paper, or open a blank document, and start listing the things you can do each day to implement these ideas. Then, commit to trying them for 30 days. If you don’t notice a difference right away, don’t be discouraged—keep at it or try something new. Remember, the journey to happiness isn’t a race; it’s a continuous process of growth and self-discovery, and every small step counts.
