“Here’s a little song I wrote. You might want to sing it note for note. Don’t worry, be happy.” Bobby McFerrin’s cheerful tune echoes the universal desire for happiness. Once, Lynn Newman was among the many who, when asked about life’s aspirations, would simply reply, “I just want to be happy.” But her journey was far from easy; she battled debilitating depression, where mundane tasks like picking up dry – cleaning or buying toilet paper felt insurmountable.
Determined to change her circumstances, Newman set out to study the habits of happy people. By adopting their practices, she transformed her life, gradually becoming one of those she once envied. Here are the daily reminders she uses to sustain her happiness, insights that can guide us all on our own quests for contentment.
First and foremost, give yourself permission. Grant yourself the freedom to be authentically you. Permit yourself to laugh uproariously, cry when the emotions overwhelm, fail spectacularly, and create without fear of judgment. Embrace the right to fall apart, pick up the pieces, and rise again. Celebrate your uniqueness and have the courage to strive for your dreams, even if it means venturing beyond the familiar.
Another key is to not take yourself too seriously. Hold your self – image with a gentle, “light hand.” When you stumble or make a mistake, find humor in your foibles. When life throws challenges your way, respond with a nonchalant shrug and an “oh well.” Happy people understand that most problems aren’t as catastrophic as they seem in the heat of the moment. They face resistances with a carefree “Ha! Ha!” and a dismissive “So what? Who cares? Big Deal! Why not?”
Avoid self – rumination, as well. Like Newman’s friend from Mississippi quipped, don’t “stare at your own belly button.” Happy individuals don’t get caught up in endless self – analysis or fixate on their problems. When they feel themselves spiraling, they shift their attention elsewhere. Whether it’s stepping outside, returning to work, or planning something fun, they break free from the cycle of overthinking.
Comparison is a joy – killer, and happy people know this well. It’s been likened to a “little death,” and for good reason. When we measure ourselves against others, we only end up hurting ourselves. Remember, there will always be those who seem more advanced and those who appear less so. Instead, focus on doing your best and let that be enough.
Making adjustments is crucial. When things go awry, your mood dips, or you feel “off,” stay curious and attuned to your state. Pay attention to how different foods, activities, or experiences affect you. If a certain meal leaves you feeling sluggish, avoid it. When you’re feeling stuck, break your routine—take a walk, meet a friend, or try something new. And when anxiety or stress strike, soothe yourself with extra sleep, meditation, yoga, or a warm bath.
Happy people find fulfillment in being of service, but they also know the importance of self – care. They willingly give back to their communities, volunteer their time, and help their friends without expecting anything in return. However, they also set loving boundaries to ensure they don’t neglect their own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well – being. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
The company you keep matters, too. Uplifting friendships are a cornerstone of happiness. Seek out people who support, encourage, and love you, those who are invested in your growth. If a friendship leaves you feeling drained or unfulfilled, it might be time to distance yourself and nurture relationships that bring you joy.
Rather than fixating on achieving a state of constant ecstasy, focus on peace of mind. Newman once chased the highs of extreme happiness as a counterbalance to her depression, but she learned that such intense emotions are often followed by lows. By prioritizing peaceful aliveness, you create a more stable foundation for lasting happiness and contentment.
Happy people also know how to savor the simple pleasures in life, those that engage our senses. The warmth of a teacup on a cold day, the rich taste of melting chocolate, the rhythm of dance music, the smile of a stranger, or the pleasant aroma of essential oils—these ordinary moments can bring extraordinary joy. Take note of these sensory experiences and carry them with you throughout the day to lift your spirits.
Finally, don’t place the burden of your happiness solely on your intimate relationships. Happy individuals view their partners as an enhancement to their lives, not a source of completion. They lead full, independent lives, bringing experiences and emotions to share. While support and companionship are important in relationships, it’s essential to rely on yourself for your own happiness and allow your partner the space to find theirs.
As you reflect on these practices, consider which ones resonate with you the most. What steps can you take today to increase your own happiness and embrace a more joyful, fulfilling life?
