“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” These words, though of unknown origin, hold a profound truth that resonates deeply with anyone who has ever been hurt. Whether the wound is physical or emotional, the result is the same: a scar that lingers, a pain that seems to follow you through the days, coloring your world in shades of gray.
We’ve all been there, at least to some degree. Even the most resilient among us have a story of heartache, a moment when the world seemed to crumble beneath our feet. And while some experiences may seem more severe than others, emotional pain is not something that can be easily measured or compared. For a teenager whose heart has just been broken, the pain can feel like the end of the world. Tragically, statistics show that every 100 minutes, a teenager takes their life, with the number of suicides in high – income families mirroring those in poor ones. These young lives are cut short, not always by unspeakable tragedies, but often by the overwhelming weight of pain born from various adversities.
When you’re in the throes of hurt, well – meaning people may offer advice like “let it go” or dismiss your feelings by saying “it’s all in your head.” But these shallow words do nothing to heal the wounds that run deep. Healing and finding happiness after being hurt is a complex journey, one that Lori Deschene has navigated herself, and she offers a roadmap for others to follow.
The first step on this journey is to define your pain. It’s not always straightforward to pinpoint what exactly is causing the hurt. Some people stay trapped in abusive relationships, too afraid to face the multiple layers of pain: the low self – esteem that makes them believe they deserve the abuse, the shame of being treated so cruelly, and the sense of hopelessness that makes them think there’s no escape. By digging deep and understanding the root cause of your pain, you begin to take control of your healing process.
Next, it’s essential to feel and express that pain. You may not be able to communicate your feelings to the person who hurt you, or they may not respond as you hope. But don’t let that stop you. Pour your heart out in a journal, write a letter and burn it, or confide in a trusted friend. Research shows that those who focus on the lessons learned while journaling find the experience more therapeutic. This act of expression helps you understand your pain better and empowers you to avoid similar situations in the future.
Staying in the present is another crucial aspect of healing. It’s easy to get caught up in reliving the past, imagining how things could have been different. But dwelling on the past won’t change anything. If you’re struggling with post – traumatic stress disorder, professional help may be necessary. Otherwise, it takes conscious effort to resist the urge to replay painful memories. Happiness can’t be found in the past; it exists in the here and now.
Stop rehashing the sad story that keeps you stuck. While it may seem like a way to seek understanding or comfort, repeating the same story over and over only gives the pain more power over your life. If sharing your story empowers you and helps others, then by all means, do so. But be honest with yourself about whether it’s truly helping or hindering your healing.
Forgiveness, especially self – forgiveness, is a powerful healer. Maybe you blame yourself for what happened, even if you weren’t at fault. Or perhaps you played a role in the situation. Whatever the case, it’s important to remember that your actions don’t define who you are. You deserve to let go of the guilt and start anew.
Playing the blame or victim game is a dead – end street. Even if you were wronged, wallowing in self – pity and blaming others won’t bring you happiness. Taking responsibility for your own happiness, regardless of what happened in the past, is the only way forward. Don’t let the actions of others control your present.
Don’t let the pain become your identity. When everything in your life revolves around your hurt, it becomes harder to move on. You may find yourself clinging to the attention or compassion that comes with this identity, but there’s a greater sense of happiness waiting for you if you’re willing to let it go.
Reconnect with the person you were before the pain or the person you could have become. Remembering who you were or envisioning who you want to be can be a powerful motivator. Identify what peace and happiness look like for you and start taking steps towards that vision.
Focus on the small joys in the present moment. You don’t have to banish the pain forever; just make room for joy right now. It could be as simple as sitting in the sun, calling a loved one, or enjoying a favorite hobby. By concentrating on these small moments, you’ll find that they add up to a more joyful life.
Finally, share that joy with others. When we’re hurting, we often isolate ourselves, but this only makes the pain worse. Reach out to trusted people, share a meal, watch a movie, or simply spend time together without dwelling on your pain. These moments of connection and shared joy can be incredibly healing.
Healing from hurt is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self – compassion. But you deserve to be happy, to find peace. And remember, the power to heal lies within you.
